That’s pretty much what my friend Twanna Hines asks, or, as she puts it, “Bad Sex With Others or Good Sex Alone?” As a single girl, I feel her, but I am very wary right now of having sex with someone until I really trust them, until I know we are something more than casual. At the same time, well, I too have my urges. My solution? Lots of flirting, and lots of vibrator-ing.
I guess this is a simplified version of how my “Twanna Wants to Have an Orgasm” flow chart works … I’d rather have good sex with a boyfriend. Lacking a boyfriend, I crave that mind-blowing, trusting, delicious and breathless sex that only comes from committed, one-night-hookups with male friends. (Fuck buddies.) If I don’t have a fuck buddy, I’ll pull out my vibrator. Got it? “Boyfriend” trumps “fuck buddy” trumps “vibrator.” Not too long ago, it used to be: “boyfriend” trumps “random dude I’m dating” trumps “fuck buddy” trumps “vibrator.” I’ve stopped fucking random dates. I’ve been dating a long time and I’ve gone on so many dates that I’ve noticed the sex usually isn’t as good as I expect it to be. I’ve had the “fuck for fuck’s sake” days. It’s too easy, sometimes unexciting and usually unsatisfying. So, if the choice is between masturbating or having awkward sex with a stranger I’ve only known for a date or two, I’ll leave the dude with a kiss and pull out my vibrator when I get home. Because, that way, at least I’m guaranteed an orgasm.