Archive for December, 2008

How much dirty talk is too much?

December 31, 2008

The Overly Dirty Talker at The Frisky

That’s a question, alone with when you should embark on dirty talk, that Chloe Does Yale author Natalie Krinsky takes on at The Frisky. I commented there as did many others. Personally, I love dirty talk, but it has to be genuine. I hate when someone tries to say something they think they should say or they heard in porn or whatever. I think “dirty talk” can be non-x-rated as long as it’s sexy and heartfelt. Usually, for me, I’m the one with a stream of dirty words coming out of my mouth, and I don’t mind being the main talker as long as the other person isn’t offended, but is into it.

Harry led me through his house, pointing out important monuments, like the bedroom and the bed.

Harry slid me onto said bed and make out we did. I commended myself on what a good idea this was. I wanted to make out with him in a seventeen-year-old kind of way, until the scruff on his face left a bit of a rash on my chin. I was in it for some good wholesome fun. You know, a little heavy petting on a Tuesday.

Suddenly, Harry pulled back and looked me in the eye. And then he said: “Let me taste that pussy juice.”

Even though I’m a screenwriter, even I cannot conjure dialogue that amusing. I looked at him as if he was speaking Mandarin. “Excuse me?”

He repeated himself. As if I didn’t hear him the first time. Did I look like a Jamba Juice? Am I an Elixir? I’ve got a wide array of tantalizing things on my menu, Harry, but “Pussy Juice” is not one of them.

After a few uncomfortable and awkward moments I got out of there—unjuiced.

Interview with Susannah Breslin about Eliot Spitzer and prostitution

December 30, 2008

I interviewed Best Sex Writing 2009 contributor Susannah Breslin for Huffington Post about Eliot Spitzer, prostitution, and her Newsweek piece that’s in the book – read it here!

Oh, and she’ll stop taking submissions for both sites – January 3rd for the johns site, and January 14th for the working girls one, so get them in now if you plan to!

Shakespeare in a fetish shop

December 30, 2008

So reports Richard Abowitz for the Los Angeles Times blog The Movable Buffet, from Las Vegas, but of course:

This is why I love Vegas. Over the weekend I went to see a production of Shakespeare’s “Henry V” (cut to about three hours). This being Vegas, the play was performed in a theater located in the back of a sex and fetish shop. Not only is Onyx Theatre behind the Rack, both are part of Commercial Center, one of the more interesting locations in Las Vegas.

If you are looking for sexual wildness, this is the place in Vegas not mentioned in the tourist guides that you will eventually find. This is the area that includes a bar known for a large and loyal client base of transsexuals and is home to the adult social club the Green Door. There are other businesses I am not sure about, though clearly they are adults-only establishments.

Tracy Clark-Flory: Teen “sexting” is not the end of the world

December 30, 2008

Best Sex Writing 2009 contributor Tracy Clark-Flory at Broadsheet (Salon) on why “sexting” among teens is not the crisis it’s been made out to be:

As someone who came of age during the Internet boom, and who falls within the survey’s “young adult” category, these findings are utterly predictable. For young adults, technology can offer a means of intimacy or performance, or both. For teenagers, the Web — namely, Google searches, chat rooms and free porn — offers a comfortable and familiar channel for sexual experimentation; for them, it offers what a girl holding a mirror between her legs once did. Of course, when teens start sharing pornographic photos of themselves, some legitimate dangers are introduced — and that’s the only part I find seriously concerning. (As for young women sharing racy photos with their boyfriends, we should be as concerned about that as we are about any other aspect of what consenting adults do in the privacy of their bedrooms.)

I will admit that, while I generally think it’s natural and healthy for teen girls to be sexually motivated and curious, our culture, online and otherwise, largely guides their exploration. And, maybe you’ve noticed, neither realm is all that favorable to (or concerned with) female sexuality. Young dudes’ sexual schooling is just as sadly limiting. But our youthful sex lives are so often full of foolish and misguided experimentation — a trying on of various roles that can fail spectacularly. The majority of teens are “sexting” their boyfriend or girlfriend — not (at least intentionally) their entire school. This seems less an issue of young people being made into amateur porn stars by our sexed-up culture, than it is that virtually every aspect of their lives has gone digital.

How to have great sex on New Year’s Eve

December 30, 2008

I’m not personally planning to have sex on New Year’s Eve, but I loved this post by Cory Silverberg at About.com (see his About.com Sexuality page for various sex-related top 10 lists too):

If you’re hoping to have sex and maybe even great sex on New Years, here’s my suggestion. The best way to insure you’ll have great sex one night of the year is to have great sex all year round. Sex isn’t like playing the lottery (or it shouldn’t be). It’s more like playing an instrument, the more you do it, the more you enjoy it, the better your experience of it will be. Of course what defines great sex is different for everyone, but here are a few elements I highly recommend you consider in making your own list:

  • Great sex is sex you really want, when you want it, who you want it with.
  • Great sex is sometimes (but not always) uncomfortable, revealing, and unexpected.
  • Great sex makes you feel good about yourself and your body.
  • Great sex offers moments where you can lose yourself completely. They might be seconds, minutes, or hours, but it’s a complete loss.

December 29, 2008

Stacey May Fowles’s essay from the anthology Yes Means Yes: Visions of Female Sexual Power & A World Without Rape (which I also have an essay called “Consent as Sexual Process” in) is now posted on Alternet. It’s called “The Fantasy of Acceptable ‘Non-Consent’: Why the Female Sexual Submissive Scares Us (and Why She Shouldn’t)” and here’s an excerpt:

Because I’m a feminist who enjoys domination, bondage and pain in the bedroom, it should be pretty obvious why I often remain mute and, well, pretty closeted about my sexuality. While it’s easy for me to write an impassioned diatribe on the vital importance of “conventional” women’s pleasure, or to talk publicly and explicitly about sexual desire in general, I often shy away from conversations about my personal sexual choices. Despite the fact that I’ve been on a long, intentional path to finally feel empowered by, and open about, my decision to be a sexual submissive, the reception I receive regarding this decision is not always all that warm.

Making wine sexy

December 29, 2008

I don’t really drink anymore, but even when I did, wine was never on my list. However, I found this fascinating (a few months’ old, but still of interest, I think), by Taylor Eason at Creative Loafing:

Within the past 10 years or so, wineries have also begun dipping into our large pool of repressed sexuality by slapping "naked," "sin" and big-boobed women on their labels. Controlling the puppet strings is the federal government's draconian TTB (Alcohol and Tobacco Trade Tax Bureau), limiting what well-intentioned wineries can broadcast on their bottles. Some, however, sneak past: Cleavage Creek, a Napa Valley winery that donates 10 percent of its proceeds to, appropriately enough, breast cancer; Sex, a bluntly named, wantonly popular rosé sparkling wine from L. Mawby Vineyards in Michigan, began as a mischievous lark to test the usually prudish TTB. To Larry Mawby's surprise, the application sailed through. Sin Zin, and its sister wine Temptation, from Alexander Valley Vineyards, made it through by leaning away from sex and emphasizing the carnal, gustatory pleasures of wine.

Then you arrive at the nudist camp: Naked Riesling from Snowqualmie Vineyards and Four Vines Naked Chardonnay. In wine, the word "naked" indicates wine made without oak influence, but Naked Winery in Oregon plays a more aggressive game. Not sure how they escaped the roving eye of the TTB, since its entire product line revolves around, ahem, the tantalizing, risqué aspects of life: Dominatrix Pinot Noir, Foreplay Chardonnay, Tease Riesling and Vixen Syrah, and, my favorite, Penetration Cabernet Sauvignon. Not sure they could make a more blatant play on crass carnal desires. Its refreshingly honest website reads: "Read our back labels or have your mother-in-law read the back label aloud at your next family function. As we say, drink what you like. And who wouldn't like to get a little naughty now and then?" Amen.

Compared with Naked Winery, other countries' attempts at indecorous labeling seem lamely tame in comparison: Frog's Piss, French Kiss and Suckfizzle. Yawn. We Americans are so delightfully tactless. And that, my friends, is one reason it's great to live in the United States – never a dull moment.

Who responds more to sex in advertising, men or women?

December 29, 2008

The New York Times very briefly looks at this question and answers:

Sex in advertising is generally thought to be more useful in selling to men than to women. But a study soon to be published in The Journal of Consumer Research finds that this effect is reversed when emotional intimacy justifies the sex.

In one experiment, the researchers found that women preferred a sexually explicit watch advertisement when the watch had a bow around it and was described as “a gift from a man to the special woman in his life.” But such positioning hurt the ad’s appeal to men. Drawing on previous research in sexual psychology, the authors note that women are more likely to “need the justification of relationship commitment for sexual behavior” and that men “typically felt quite uneasy about having to part with substantial pecuniary resources in a dating context.”

New study finds virginity pledges don’t work all that well

December 29, 2008

Not exactly a news flash (and I am not against individuals taking virginity pledges, fyi, but am against teens being made to feel like sex is dirty and wrong and that virginity is the be all and end all of life – see Amanda Robb’s piece on purity balls in Best Sex Writing 2009 for more on this topic).

From Health.com:

Both groups lost their virginity at an average age of 21, had about three lifetime partners, and had similar rates of STDs. “And the majority were having premarital sex, over 50%,” says Rosenbaum. Overall, roughly 75% of pledgers and non-pledgers were sexually active, and about one in five was married.

Unmarried pledgers, however, were less likely than non-pledgers to use birth control (64% of pledge takers and 70% of non-pledge takers said they used it most of the time) or condoms (42% of pledge takers and 54% of non-pledge takers said they used them most of the time).

“There’s been some speculation about whether teenagers were substituting oral or anal sex for vaginal sex and I found that wasn’t so,” says Rosenbaum, “but I did uphold a previous finding that they are less likely to use birth control and drastically less likely in fact to use condoms–it’s a ten percentage point difference.”

Rosenbaum is concerned that abstinence-only sex education programs that promote virginity pledges may also promote a negative view of condoms and birth control. The result may be teens and young adults who are less likely than their peers to protect themselves from sexually transmitted diseases and unplanned pregnancies.

Federal funds for abstinence only education programs have increased from $73 million in 2001 to $204 million in 2008. About 25 states apply for such funds each year to educate teens, says Rosenbaum. Sometimes programs are measured by how many teens take virginity pledges, not whether the teens stick to them, avoid sexually transmitted diseases or unplanned pregnancies, says Rosenbaum.

“Studies find that kids in abstinence-only programs have negative, biased views about whether condoms work,” she says. Since such programs promote abstinence only they tend to give only the disadvantages of birth control, she says. Teens learn condoms don’t protect you completely from human papillomavirus (HPV) and herpes, which is true, but they may not realize that they protect against all the “fluid-based STDs,” she says. “People end up thinking you may as well not bother using birth control or condoms.”

Is an eight-foot penis “art?” St. Petersburg gallery owner pleads no contest

December 29, 2008

From The St. Petersburg Times: (I’ve gotta say, now I want to see said penis art)

ST. PETERSBURG — William Schramm, who was arrested this summer after a raid at his erotic gallery, has applied to enter a pretrial intervention program rather than fight a charge of battery on a law enforcement officer.

Schramm changed his mind about fighting the charge because of health problems, his attorney, Luke Lirot, said Wednesday. “We had a long conversation, and quite honestly I felt it was more important for him to focus on his health rather than anything else, and he agreed.”

Police responded to Schramm’s 2501 Gallery on Central Avenue in July after someone complained about an eight-foot penis displayed near the entrance. Schramm said it was art and refused to move it. When police returned later that day, they discovered a naked male model in a swing.

They cited Schramm, 47, and the model, Joshua Culotta, 26, for violating a city ordinance that prohibits the public display of genitals at establishments where alcohol is being served. Both pleaded no contest last month and paid fines of $113 each.

But Schramm also faced a criminal charge of battery on a law enforcement officer because, police say, he grabbed an officer’s arm to prevent him from entering the gallery. Schramm had said he was merely trying to show the officer how to push the door open

The State Attorney’s Office now will review Schramm’s request and decide if he can enter the pretrial intervention program, which could allow him to perform community service in exchange for the charge being dropped.

Schramm, who has since closed his gallery, “still believes that his position was the correct one,” his attorney said. “But sometimes the realities of life can deter you from pursuing any loftier goals.”