Whether or not to have first date sex has been a hot topic of late.
Marie Claire‘s Diana Vilibert weighs in with a very strong argument that women should…do whatever they want to do! This reminds me of Tracy Clark-Flory’s piece in Best Sex Writing 2009, called “In Defense of Casual Sex,” leading me to ask why women must always be defending our sexual choices? Men almost never have to, unless it involves paying for sex. But we are guilt-tripped and made to feel like the weight of the world rests on when we put out, and who we do it with, and how many lovers we’ve taken…geez! It’s 2009 already people.
Did I miss the memo that the decision to have first-date sex (or not) is now a statement you are making on behalf of all women? Empowerment comes from control and power over your own sex life and decisions, and confidence in those choices, whether or not they align with popular opinion. I happen to be a fan of first-date sex — but I don’t really expect or want a standing ovation for feeling this way. But neither Emily’s viewpoint or mine makes either of us a lesser feminist, and neither of us, I’m sure, means to speak for all women. If I wake up tomorrow morning to find that celibacy is all the rage, I wouldn’t feel empowered by keeping my legs closed — and there’s no reason anyone should feel empowered by treating sex as a fun, casual thing if they don’t feel that it is for them.
But according to Rich, I’ve been going about it the wrong way, since “Guys like to pursue and feel like they’ve accomplished something when courting a girl…You are a prize, but no one out there deserves to be an instant winner!”
You know, I don’t think I want to date a guy who pats himself on the back when he finally wins the “prize” of having sex with me. Newsflash: women like to have sex, too. We don’t begrudgingly disrobe after you’ve passed a series of tests during a “courtship” period, so please refrain from giving yourself a mental high-five when we sleep with you.