Posts Tagged ‘dating’

“What Hookers Do On Valentine’s Day” by Tracy Quan

February 17, 2009

“What Hookers Do On Valentine’s Day” by Tracy Quan at The Daily Beast:

Is Valentine’s Day a good day for the sex industry? That all depends. If you’re a call girl, it’s often a great night to be without a valentine—coworkers are being romanced by boyfriends, which means demand for professional companionship might outstrip supply. But it’s hard to predict. For those clients seeking a Valentine’s experience, complete with candy, rose petals and Champagne, you need a girl who’s a lot more professional than she appears to be. Business varies from year to year, so ending a romance before the big holiday just for the purpose of being on call would be foolhardy, and most hookers aren’t that calculating. Because romance serves as a much-needed vacation from the marketplace, the 14th —for a madam—is a potential headache, a night when you sometimes run short of girls.

It’s a day that sums up all that’s “wrong and romantic” about being a call girl. Qualities that spell success in the oldest profession—symmetrical features, a sweet smile, an open personality and a fondness for male company—also attract boyfriends. A recipe for conflict.

I tried not to get involved with anyone so I could focus on business, but I was a boyfriend-magnet. My biggest problem wasn’t the stigma associated with my work, it was my tendency to fall in love. A few years later, I found myself “cheating” again, with someone new.

Is good solo sex possible?

January 24, 2009

That’s pretty much what my friend Twanna Hines asks, or, as she puts it, “Bad Sex With Others or Good Sex Alone?” As a single girl, I feel her, but I am very wary right now of having sex with someone until I really trust them, until I know we are something more than casual. At the same time, well, I too have my urges. My solution? Lots of flirting, and lots of vibrator-ing.

I guess this is a simplified version of how my “Twanna Wants to Have an Orgasm” flow chart works … I’d rather have good sex with a boyfriend. Lacking a boyfriend, I crave that mind-blowing, trusting, delicious and breathless sex that only comes from committed, one-night-hookups with male friends. (Fuck buddies.) If I don’t have a fuck buddy, I’ll pull out my vibrator. Got it? “Boyfriend” trumps “fuck buddy” trumps “vibrator.” Not too long ago, it used to be: “boyfriend” trumps “random dude I’m dating” trumps “fuck buddy” trumps “vibrator.” I’ve stopped fucking random dates. I’ve been dating a long time and I’ve gone on so many dates that I’ve noticed the sex usually isn’t as good as I expect it to be. I’ve had the “fuck for fuck’s sake” days. It’s too easy, sometimes unexciting and usually unsatisfying. So, if the choice is between masturbating or having awkward sex with a stranger I’ve only known for a date or two, I’ll leave the dude with a kiss and pull out my vibrator when I get home. Because, that way, at least I’m guaranteed an orgasm.

Diana Vilibert defends first date sex

January 24, 2009

Whether or not to have first date sex has been a hot topic of late.

Marie Claire‘s Diana Vilibert weighs in with a very strong argument that women should…do whatever they want to do! This reminds me of Tracy Clark-Flory’s piece in Best Sex Writing 2009, called “In Defense of Casual Sex,” leading me to ask why women must always be defending our sexual choices? Men almost never have to, unless it involves paying for sex. But we are guilt-tripped and made to feel like the weight of the world rests on when we put out, and who we do it with, and how many lovers we’ve taken…geez! It’s 2009 already people.

Did I miss the memo that the decision to have first-date sex (or not) is now a statement you are making on behalf of all women? Empowerment comes from control and power over your own sex life and decisions, and confidence in those choices, whether or not they align with popular opinion. I happen to be a fan of first-date sex — but I don’t really expect or want a standing ovation for feeling this way. But neither Emily’s viewpoint or mine makes either of us a lesser feminist, and neither of us, I’m sure, means to speak for all women. If I wake up tomorrow morning to find that celibacy is all the rage, I wouldn’t feel empowered by keeping my legs closed — and there’s no reason anyone should feel empowered by treating sex as a fun, casual thing if they don’t feel that it is for them.

But according to Rich, I’ve been going about it the wrong way, since “Guys like to pursue and feel like they’ve accomplished something when courting a girl…You are a prize, but no one out there deserves to be an instant winner!”

You know, I don’t think I want to date a guy who pats himself on the back when he finally wins the “prize” of having sex with me. Newsflash: women like to have sex, too. We don’t begrudgingly disrobe after you’ve passed a series of tests during a “courtship” period, so please refrain from giving yourself a mental high-five when we sleep with you.